did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
