Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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