And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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