Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
