so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
