I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
