Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
