why didn't you poke me back
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i out mim tonsoeep
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