The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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