At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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