oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
