just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize