I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
