Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i love accidental penises.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
