How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
