Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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