pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
