community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
