apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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