Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
