gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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