I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
