FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
