No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
