Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
