I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
