Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
