put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
please don't ironically join a cult
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