I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You need Xanax blowdarts
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
