This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize