I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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