its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
soo... how was my night?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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