Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
