i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
