How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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