TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
