How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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