he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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