I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
