can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
love makes seman taste better
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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