Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
