the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just high enough for therapy.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
