We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
