No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
