grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
