My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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