A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
