She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she peed on how many people?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
