quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
