Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
