Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
