I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
