so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
