areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
