Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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