mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
