3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
