Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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