Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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