ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
