You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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